Beijing Opera is a Remedy for Drowsiness

BEIJING, for sale China – Scientists at the Shuixing University of Psychology recently discovered that with an increased listening of Beijing opera in a day will let sufferers of drowsiness increase daily awareness by an additional of 2 hours. The piercing screams and the constant use of cymbals during a Beijing opera is known to ring the ear of a suffering patient while their brain rattle uncontrollably as the music pummels their auditory system.

Dr. Jie Xang, drugs the lead scientist of the study concluded after observing patients suffering from this to be “rolling in their beds asking for the ringing to stop” and some to be screaming “the Fortune God is coming”. When asked if the cure can be used throughout the world, Dr. Jie commented that, “The piercing shrieks of a man-lady in makeup will make anyone awake… [but] I am not sure whether this would be sold to capitalist pig dogs trying to stay awake.”

Incidentally, Scottish scientists at the University of Mae Drung outside Aberdeen have also found a cure for people who cannot wake up by installing a bagpipe inside their ears which blows off whenever the sun shines into their retina, causing the bagpipe to inflate and rattle the auditory nerves of with a loud rendition of ‘Scotland the Brave’.

Share on Facebook